Up. Down. Up. Up Down. Lying down.

Installing the work began with enthusiasm and confidence. The demands of getting the drawing right, and the monotony of extremely long days/weeks retracing then cutting stencils, the uncertainty of scale and air currents and local dust consistencies, were all behind me. In front of me was the possibility of perfection. From my 7 years of experience installing ephemeral works in situe, I have accumulated a repertoire of specific and obscure knowledge about how to produce these dust works on site. This certainty now, allows me the space to enjoy the creations processes.

At this point the story deviates into a choose-your-own-adventure. Please select one of the options below.

Option 1 - The truth from a distance.

I made excellent progress with the timing and after 12 hours solid work I managed to get the majority of the work done. There were no major disasters and it was looking much like I had planned, which means tomorrow I can take my time refining some of the detail of the work.

Option 2 - The truth from inside my head.

The beautiful perfect table, has a raw stained surface which I discovered was completly unforgiving. During other installations, if I make a serious mistake, like not lining up the stencils accurately I can sometimes sweep up a section and start again. Or if it’s a minor error where a little bit of dust has spilled, I can take a dry paint brush and remove it. But this surface is porous and the dust got into the grooves so if I make a mistake then I wouldn’t be able to erase or correct it because it will leave a trace in the surface. So I couldn’t make a mistake.

My internal monologue there for shifted from "I am a confident artists in control of my medium, I'm at an international art event and my work is worthy of being here, and I'm doing what i love - my life is a dream" to medium-leval panic "Don't make a mistake, don't make a mistake, don't make a mistake. Go slow, much slower, relax otherwise you'll make a mistake, d o n ' t   m  a  k  e    a    m   i   s   t    a    k   e. Oooooooh ****!!!! I MADE A MISTAKE. It's ok. It's ok. Its going to be ok. Just do a little more and worry about the mistake later. Focus again. Breath. Go slow. arghhhh another mistake. Damn damn damn. Keep going just keep working just go slow dont make a mistake don'tmakeamistkedon'tmakeamistake". This was on repeat for 12 hours.

I'm fairly certain 'bird head-butting a vine' is not an Art Nouveau motif.

So after 12 hours the majority of the work was done, but it was looking pretty messy. Whilst working, the dust in the atmosphere usually settles over the entire work creating a very subtle patina, but in this situation the oil in our finger-tips had marked the table top, which meant that rather than an even layer of almost invisible dust, the edges of the table, where we had carried it in and moved it around, looked like a crime scene with finger print scattered all up and down the side of the work. I tried cleaning the area, adding more dust, changing the lighting etc etc and still nothing could change this imperfection. And I don't think imperfection in my work is acceptable. I left at the end of the day disappointed and grimy. 

But then we went out for dinner, to a french bistro and i had snails and scallops and wine and good conversation and the anxiety subsided.